On Preparedness

Hola friends. Let me start by saying that I'm not here to be a fear-monger or an alarmist, or create any more anxiety than needs to exist. There's plenty of that out there, and I've found that at most it paralyzes you into more inaction, and at the worst it just adds to that glazed-over layer of anomie or apathy that we already have.

That said, I believe we can take a reasoned approach to the situation at hand, and quite possibly do something to prevent catastrophic events from happening. Or, if they do happen, we can at least be prepared.

These are the facts as I have them. About 6 weeks-one month ago, the Army was running mysterious "training drills" with BlackHawk helicopters over downtown Denver. Every night around dusk- 8pm at the time, for 2 weeks. They were very loud, kind of scary, and most of all, unexplained. The local news sort of got to the bottom of it by talking to the chump in charge, who basically told the reporter/local populace to quit worryin' and let them take care of things. Ok, what he really said was they were training for some type of catastrophic event like a natural disaster, but social upheaval could produce the same results. He wouldn't say exactly if it was connected with the increased security for the Democratic National Convention in August, but this guy also wasn't a very good liar, and you definitely got the impression of "um, yeah, it is." Don't believe me? Google either 9news or 7news, Denver, and then search their sites for their stories on the matter.

2nd thing: Just last week, Homeland Security apparently got all up in Denver Water's grille, and forced them to close the dam road that goes over Dillon Dam because it was a "potential terrorist target." Denver Water immediately complied, without asking anyone in Summit County what they thought about it, and put up barriers on the dam road that very day. Two days later, the Summit County Sheriff's department got back in DW's grille, and said take those down or we'll shoot- or something. No, they'd sue them, but you get the picture. The closed road was adding about 4 hours onto their response time for emergency services.

If you're not from here- Lake Dillon/Reservoir is one of the main sources of water for the Denver Area. So sure, I guess it could be a terrorist target. But I think even the average Joe knows (in fact, Joe told me) that only a pretty darn superior air force, or someone with ICBMs, or perhaps a stolen nuclear bomb like in a Tom Clancy novel, would be capable of blowing up a huge, earthen dam like Dillon. So that narrows it down to basically....us. Seriously- who the hell else is going to get into our airspace as far as Colorado, or launch an ICBM targeted specifically at Dillon dam from...? India? Probably not.

The resulting flood, if the dam were destroyed, would be hugely destructive to the Summit County area (goodbye, Silverthorne factory outlet stores!) and downstream would certainly be a mess... and god forbid, all those folks in Highlands Ranch would have to quit watering their damn Kentucky Bluegrass lawns for a few months because of the temporary water shortage... but, wipeout Denver? I doubt it. So even if BushCo is planning something like this to coincide with the Democratic National Convention which starts on my birthday in August... yeah, not the best plan.

You follow me so far? Maybe I made a few leaps there without articulating all the in-between stuff. Another fact (or two): this current administration has already proven that they are capable of anything, including mass murder of their own people so they can stay in power. They've also stolen two elections, fabricated two wars out of whole cloth which are siphoning off our resources as a country and crippling our economy, once the strongest in the world (just 8 short years ago). They routinely smear or "out" anyone who investigates anything about them, and they are good friends with not only the Saudis and especially the Bin Laden family, but more importantly, with the heads of the corporate media. All of this has already made the population (which is sizable) vulnerable, weak, and prone to believing whatever crap comes out of the idiot box that promises to keep them "safe."

Prone, I say, but not necessarily so. If people are like me, all this crap upon crap upon crap, coupled with no healthcare and the high cost of gas and food, makes us cantankerous as all hell. There's what you see with your own eyes, and experience with your own broken back and tired heart, and then there's the utter shite, which is looking more shite-y every day, coming out of the TV. It adds up to cognitive dissonance on a grand scale, and it don't add up to complacency, which may be one of our saving graces.

So we got that goin' for us, which is nice. But these guys, these no-talent assclowns who've shat upon our country and pissed on the people, and laughed that evil laugh and call us "stupid" when we call them on their crap- those guys? Yeah, don't count on them leaving quietly. My basic point here is, we need to look at past behavior as an indicator of future behavior. We need to be calm and reasoned and determined about it, but make no mistake, if we ignore this shite and just assume "everything will be ok once Obama's elected.." we are heading for imminent disaster. These guys know they'd be in jail, for life, by this time next Tuesday if someone not in their cartel gets into power. Ask yourself, are they behaving at all like people who are just a wee bit nervous about that possibility?

Are they "making nice" and worrying about "legacy" projects?

So. Assuming that I'm right (and you know I am) and these schmucks try and pull another stunt like 9-11, or exploit some other national disaster for the sole purpose of declaring martial law, cancelling the elections and declaring W President-for-Life.... what are y'all prepared to do? I know for our part, we've got some emergency food stashed in the basement, along with 5-gallon water containers,and I've started growing some food outdoors in containers. Should the shite hit the fan for real, I have landscaping tools to help me tear up this stupid lawn and plant more food. (property owner be damned) One thing we don't have is a gun. I don't think I want one of my own, in the house because of the kiddo (and as I've joked before, someone of my temperament probably shouldn't have one close at hand), but I do want to learn to shoot one. This is where the redneck brother-in-law who hunts comes in handy.

Back to what we got goin' for us though. There's the cantankerous part- say what you want about Americans being fat and lazy and ill-informed, when push comes to shove, you don't want to piss us off. Even die-hard Republicans, who simultaneously believe government should be "small", and that you should shut the hell up and trust it implicitly if there's an "R" after someone's name- don't like being told what to do. There's also the fact that this so-called President has a disapproval rating of like 80%, on a good day. Which begs the question, if he and his henchmen try to attack us again, who the hell would be carrying out his orders, in good conscience? Seriously? Yes, there are the Blackwater and Khaki guys who've been getting all sorts of "crowd control" training in Iraq, and yes, New Orleans after Katrina. But the country is so broke now, there's no way we could pay them enough to turn their guns on mostly-unarmed American citizens. I think. I'm putting my faith in them having a conscience, and acting according to what they know is right, and not necessarily what they've been ordered to do.

There's also our geography, which is awesome. As a GIS professional, I can tell you what you already know with some authority: this country is big. Population wise and land-area wise, BIG. It's not Germany, it's not England, it's not even Serbia. Ah, you bring up example of former USSR, twice as big but under boot of Soviets for 50 years? Well, when the Soviets rolled in to remote villages with their tanks and guns, it was already a starving, illiterate,broken country. Their citizens, pobrecitas, did not have the internet, or infrastructure, or sometimes even a common religion/culture or language to unite them. So, nice try. Also the Russian people (et.al) were pretty used to authoritarian governments stomping all over them, whether it was the Tsar, or Lenin, or Stalin. They hadn't ever experienced true democracy and the possibilities it unfurls for the average person.

ok. That said, it's no reason to get complacent. I'm arguing for the opposite. Instead of stockpiling weapons and food (although, be my guest if you can do it) we should probably focus more on getting to know our neighbors. Because we are going to need to depend on each other even more in the coming months and years, and it's just a good idea. Don't like your neighbors? don't trust them? Now might be a good time to move. 7 months ago we were living in a place (which we still own) with a neighbor who, lets just say, would probably have thrown us under the bus or turned us in to the Gestapo for a pack of cigarettes. We moved into this rental, and now we love our neighbors in the quadplex, and also like the surrounding ones quite a bit. I'm pretty sure I could count on them to protect us should they need to, or at least help plant a garden. Better yet, I don't stay up nights fantasizing about killing them with that gun I don't own. Cooperation and involvement is going to be key to survival. Pretty much the opposite of what our society is right now, but it does have precedent- during World War II, when everyone was growing Victory Gardens, carpooling, holding neighborhood steel drives and buying food with ration books. It was the thing to do. You were un-American if you didn't do it. And guess what, people had a blast, banding together for a greater cause like that. To hear my parents tell it, it didn't even feel like a sacrifice. They were little kids at the time, so to them it was fun. And how did that story end? Oh, we WON? Sweeeet!!! I'm pretty sure we can do that again.

Most or some of you know I'm an archaeologist by trade. An anthropologist by birth (heh) surely, but an archaeologist because I needed a job and it seemed like a fun way to incorporate all the things I'm actually interested in. Namely, how the heck did us goofy humans survive thus far, and come to even DOMINATE the planet? Surely this is some kind of celestial accident, because there ain't no way our dominance is actually merit-based. Most of my colleagues will admit to coming to the field because of a lifelong disgust/revulsion with the human race and what "it" does, with a simultaneous fascination. ( I too had this attitude... when I was 23 years old. ) Anyway. As such, studying past cultures and how they came to their demise, OR how they miraculously survived to this day, much of the time we are asking basically the same question, or wondering the same thing. If these people had only KNOWN that the drought would last 30 years! That the volcano was going to erupt on August 24th! That those pale-faces were walking social diseases! That lead might make your ceramics prettier, but it kills your brain!!! See, there is a difference with us, because at no other time in human history have we had so much access to so much information, and it's literally at our fingertips. (well, if you live in the First world and have a computer). So there's no excuse.

What I'm trying to do is use my training, of assembling all this data from the past to form a coherent view of what exactly is going on... and apply it to the present day. In my field we try to be as scientifically reasoned, objective and non-judgmental as possible. However, as a human, and maybe more importantly as a parent now, I find it nearly impossible to apply my scientific objectivity and detachment to the current situation. And now especially, a sense of urgency is bearing down on me like an 18-wheeler on a wet rainy highway at night. Many of my colleagues have mentally divorced themselves from the human race, placed themselves intellectually above the fray, and in effect "outside" of present events. This is unfortunate. Some of us however, feel duty-bound to be the "participant-observers" we were trained to be, and we are speaking out.

Rage management/ weight loss plan

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "Dear Rob 'Fat-Burner' Brezsny: I used the
Sweet and Sassy Toner video and lost only two pounds in five weeks. I
tried the No More Love Handles program and actually gained weight. The
only thing that really worked was your column. Reading your horoscopes
has, I'm convinced, been responsible for bringing me much closer to
having my dream body. You've helped me jettison a ton of psychic fat,
not to mention a wad of guilt, a load of concern about what other people
think of me, and a mass of remorse about the past. I never realized how
much of my extra weight had to do with psychological burdens I was
carrying. This is the lightest I've ever been! Grateful Virgo." Dear Grateful:
Give yourself credit, too. It has been courageous of you to get rid of your
unnecessary buffers. By the way, this week will be the climax of the
shedding process. Celebrate your success by emptying out even more.

Awesome!!! Update on the CTJ I'm phat thing too- I've decided that my body was also trying to tell me to cut out wheat, and i'd be mostly fine. That's alotta psychic garbage from oh, probably close to 37 years now. About 10 years a naturopathic doctor told me to cut out yeast, especially, because that's what was causing my seasonal allergies to go ballistic, but she also said, "eh, yer young, you probably have 10 more years until this really becomes a problem." Guess what??? It's 2 weeks from my birthday, and I feel like shit. Notably, whenever I look at a bagel, especially a whole wheat one, I can feel my intestines scrunch up inside me and produce pre-emptive gas, as if to warn me. So. I've also got that bloating and random gut pain that complainers of wheat allergies claim to have. Brucey baby is going to get tested for celiac disease soon, since almost his entire family has it, and I have a feeling my time has come too. We'd have to do this as a family anyway, there's no friggin way to isolate the breadcrumbs in a given household. I'll probably drop 12 pounds in a month, just with this (that's my hope.) Unlike 10 years ago, there isn't exactly a gallon of snot pouring out of my head every minute because of mold, dust, and juniper pollen, but I'm still feeling slightly snotty, bloated, tired all the time, bloated, fat, and bloated. We'll see if this works. I'll keep you posted.

Entitlement Schema, on your Right

Or maybe I should call this another SOAS/CTJ. It's really a combo platter. Hmmm.
The bike shop we go to most frequently because MacMookie does massage-trade with the owner (the place is called "Cycle-Analyst" and Macmookie is in training to be a licensed psychoanalyst.. can ya beat that?) has the most awesome selection of bike horns and bells you ever did see. Squishy horns shaped like dinosaur heads or dog butts, tinkly asian-style bells that practically whisper, zen-like, "let me pass beside you on your left, grasshopper," classic ringa-ringa-ringa bicycle bells what look like they're straight out of the 1923 Sears & Roebuck's catalog, and airhorns. Lately, I'm leaning towards the airhorn, even though I've had my eye on this cute little number with a picture of a bear on it for a mere $4.50... but really what I need? Lately? Is a horn that blares out, "Get OUT OF THE BIKE LANE, YOU OVER-ENTITLED YUPPIE BITCHES." Seriously. That sound harsh? Let me 'splain. Here in Denver we have designated bike routes, like most cities with over 50,000 people- and some of those bike routes go along regular ol' city streets what aren't the busiest streets or main arteries, but also aren't dinky little residential side streets. In those streets, width permitting, are painted lines which designate actual bike lanes,complete with arrow markers pointing the direction bike traffic should go (along with the flow of other traffic, duh) and a symbol inside of that arrow depicting a unisex, helmeted cyclist. Should I repeat that? The symbol depicts a CYCLIST only, not a jogger, or a walker, and not, most importantly, a trio of trophy wives walking 3 abreast, with at least 2 strollers and 2 dogs on leash between them. No. It's a cyclist.
The route I take to work follows a designated bike route with one segment of it containing the precious bike lanes. It's a beautiful ride, for the city, the whole length, but this segment with the actual bike lanes is really somethin' else. A wide parkway, with a gorgeous, shady green median separating the lanes of traffic going in opposite directions. Enough space on each side for one lane of car traffic, the bike lane, and then a parking lane that abuts the curb. On the other side of those curbs, as you might guess, are these things called sidewalks. They are broad and commodious compared to the skinny, aborted things in my neighborhood. There is probably enough room on them for two portly people to walk side by side, with a dog, or for two people to pass each other, single file. If I lived over there, I would walk down the footpath on the grassy median, but I'm just that kinda Nature Gal. I much prefer dirt and grass under my feet than pavement. Plus, it's probably the safest place to be, and I'm also a paranoid safety freak. I will bike or walk MILES out of the way just to take the safest route. Especially if my bambina is with me.
**Which brings me to another point- yes, I am also a mom. Yes, we own a jogging stroller (which we will be selling, since we just got a bike trailer/stroller- woohoo!). Yes, we frequently put b. girl in said stroller and walk around the neighborhood, to the park, the store, etc. But there is NO WAY IN HELL I would take that thing, with her in it, in the middle of the f'in street when other, safer options were available. My neighborhood has those aforementioned skinny sidewalks though, so frequently we do have to walk in the street. But I never walk in the MIDDLE of the street, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't expect people to get the hell out of MY way because I'm entitled to be there, as a pedestrian or whatever (even though technically, pedestrian rights are supreme in such cases.) The area with the bike lane is different. Here comes the judgmental bitch part, hold to your armrests- what kind of shitty parent are you if you put your own spoiled-ass convenience and entitlements ahead of your CHILD's safety??? Huh? Is it really that much of a BOTHER to negotiate curbs and the occasional untrimmed hedge? Or god forbid, get some actual dirt on your $150 tennies? Maybe next time I'm out there, instead of flipping them off, I'll call Social Services. Right after I call Traffic Right-of-Way enforcement.

Do me a favor and read those paragraphs again. My point is that most of 7th Avenue has plenty of room, and plenty of pleasant options, for the average pedestrian, without ever stepping foot in the bike lane. And yet.
Also, as you might guess, the people lucky enough to live along or near this gorgeous street are uh... shall we say.. rich. I'm not gonna say wealthy, because that dresses up a condition that doesn't need to be. They're rich. If you asked them, they might say "well-to-do," or you might even get a "yes, we've been very blessed" from the Catholics, but most of them are heavily invested in the notion, or false premise that 1) they earned what they have through some combination of hard work, brains and talent, and 2)they deserve it, they're entitled, so shut up, all you poor-ass whiny minorities and half-breed peasants that actually have to work for a living- obviously you're just not SMART enough to be rich and live in this gorgeous neighborhood.
That's the sense I get, anyway, when I'm trying to get to this thing called a job I have, Monday thru Friday, 8-5, after dropping off my wee one at daycare. Now, this may be a big ol' wild-ass guess on my part, but the women with their $700 baby strollers and designer doggies walking in the bike lane 3 across, DO NOT, by contrast, have anywhere they really need to be at 8am. Which is why I feel pretty damn free to honk my bike horn, and failing to dislodge them with that, yell. I try not to be rude. I just try to be very clear, so they can hear me, and understand what I'm saying. "GET...OUT...OF...THE...BIKE...LANE" is usually what I say, and start to say it when I'm least 50 feet behind them, so they have time to comply. But do they comply? Hardly ever. I'm usually met with over-entitled attitude in response. Yes, these people, though clearly in the wrong, try to argue with me. That's when I flip them off.
You might think this is a little thing to get all worked up about, in the grand scheme of things- big deal? Why not just go around them? Who died and made me the Bike Police, as well as the Entitlement Police? I certainly don't want to be like the over-entitled jackass that Peeps pedaled past this morning, who was tail-gating another cyclist on the multi-use bike path, and then had a frickin' cow when the cyclist he was tailgating slowed down for a homeless man with a huge shopping cart. According to Peeps, Jack-ety hollered, "oh my GAWD! I can't believe this!" as if the ignominy of applying his brakes for a hazard completed his "trifecta of human atrocities- First there was slavery, then the horrors of WWII, and now THIS!" I have to quote Peeps and give him full props because that is just too frickin hilarious.
So back to me- if you've read any of my past blogs, you'll know that over-entitled assholes of any stripe tick me off to no end. And I firmly believe that if you don't confront these "little things" you encounter in your daily life, and right the wrongs that you see, no matter how tiny they are, nothing will ever change. The power structure will remain as it is, with rich, white males at the top and everyone else in the world crushed under their immense bulk- except when it collapses (soon), everyone, and I mean everyone, will be utterly destroyed along with them. There's a way to dismantle the current patriarchy and inherently corrupt power structure without killing everyone and destroying the planet- but it takes a mountain's worth of these little things to incrementally add up and turn the tide. You have to do it. I have to do it. No one else will do it. Especially people who don't even realize what assholes they are, who were brought up to believe that if you're rich, and white, you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want. You think they're just going to wake up one day and wail, "oh my goodness gracious, I've been SO wrong, for SO long!" ???
Nah. I'm still not advocating violence, so put your guns away you buncha trigger-happy rednecks. But verbal bitch-smacking is an art, a type of martial art, and like any artform, it takes practice. And now you might be thinking, "well Queenie, don't WE feel a wee bit over-entitled to our self-righteous anger, hmm?"
Well yup, I'm aware of that. As a woman who LOOKS white, I have all the privileges and entitlements that most white women in America do. It matters not one flea foot to passersby that I'm 1/16th Mohawk, 1/8th Basque (does that qualify as Latina?), and come from an abusive family where I was treated like a 2nd class citizen and raised to believe that I was a complete piece of shit. People can't SEE that when I bike past them, flipping them off. To them I look like just another angry-about-nothin', over-entitled white woman. Even though I grew up feeling more like a minority, and all my friends tended to be either minorities or social outcasts of some kind (please don't be offended, friends:) e.g. the overweight kids, the poor kids, the kids who were plenty smart but had learning disabilities or wacky senses of humour that no one else got... I also realize at the same time, that I have no earthly idea what it's like to walk around on earth as a black woman, or even a Latina, or a full-blooded Ind'n, with people making all sorts of assumptions and judgments about you (mostly negative) based on unreliable visual cues.
{Perhaps I should do a whole CTJ on that fact, entitled: um, hello, we are visual animals, and prejudice is largely based on visual cues, rather than the whole reality of a person. Think back to high school. Ok, that's for another time.}
So there's always been quite a bit of cognitive dissonance in my life, but for other people, there's also visual dissonance. E.g. "you don't LOOK like you've had a hard life... therefore I'm going to assume that everything has come easily for you, and feel justified in being nasty to you." Same goes for me. Maybe these yuppie women have husbands who beat them, or are such complete assholes that they only respite they get from their posh misery is walking down the bikelane with their girlfriends once a day and acting like they have real power in their lives for oh, about an hour. But I doubt it.
I'll own up to the partial source of my righteous indignation being plain old, garden variety jealousy. More accurately, envy. Because I would cut off my left breast for the chance to stay home with my kiddo, go for strolls with the girls, and have my biggest worry be what to plant in the flower garden this year. That's probably what they say to themselves too, watching my figure recede in the distant foreground- middle finger silouetted against the morning sky- "She's just jealous." Yep.
For all I know they are nice people despite their arrogant stupidity and bad parenting, and under different circumstances we would get along swimmingly.
But I doubt it.
However I'm going to try to keep an open heart, an open mind, and yes, an open hand, all the better to deliver bitch -smacks with.