Well, it's April, 2012. The convention is about 4 months away. My blog has 3, count 'em, THREE! Followers. (Hi Joe!) Mainly because I don't blog enough. My landscaping business however, has taken off, and that means I have invoices to send out, bills to pay, leads to follow up on, and clients to placate at the end of a day of backbreaking labor. Not that I'm complaining mind you- I love this, I chose it, and it sure beats trying to shove a sharpened Bic pen up my nose to relieve the skull-numbing boredom of my old job at the Colorado Historical Society. (Hi Joe!) I'm just 'splaining some things to you.
Oh and then there's the 6 year old daughter. Such a delight. Another "thing" that I love, and don't regret, that exhausts the living shit out of me. :) Anyhow, I've had a lot going on since I quit that desk job back in 2009, and not a lot of it's been writing. Regrettably.
But then again..... I have tried, really hard, to get excited about this upcoming election.... and I just can't. So maybe Charlotte, N.C. is not so much in my future. Maybe I'll report from my desk here in Denver. There have been writing/journalism "contests" going on since last December, the winners of which will go to Charlotte for the DNC and be Official Bloggers, and get to sit in the Big Blue Tent of Bloggers. The entry rules for these blogging contests have been extremely simple to follow- and excruciatingly difficult for me to adhere to, at all, given the subject matter. For example, back in December, the theme was, "Who Do You Think the Strongest Republican Contender is, and Why?"
Ok, did everyone else just burst out laughing right there? Thanks. So you can understand why I felt that it was probably WAY more important to finally reveal to America, via blogging, that Baseball Is a Gift From the Aliens. (And Chase Utley is a gift from God, but that's another blog)
----(Photo of Chase Utley receiving award for Saving Abused Doggies. Just ignore his beautiful wife there in the middle- I'm pretty sure she's nothing to him.)
While I realize it's painful for many of us to recall such a thing, it's worth noting who the contenders actually were in December, 2011. I will say their names in completion here only once, like a roll call of the dead*, so cover your ears or your eyes or whatever parts need protecting: Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich. Rick Santorum. Ron Paul. Rick Perry. Mitch Daniels. Jeb Bush. (no, seriously). John Thune. Tim Pawlenty. Mike Huckabee. Sarah Palin. Haley Barbour. Bobby Jindal. Chris Christie. And, I swear I'm not making this up- Michelle Bachmann.
You can see why I flat-out refused to watch, listen to, or read about any of the Republican "debates" much less blog about them. I shunned the TV more than usual, even though in February we upgraded our cable service to that newfangled digital whatsy-hoosit for my husband's birthday- mainly for the sports, and Comedy Central. I gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyes shut and yelled "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!" whenever a political commercial came on the radio, TV, or passing bus ad.
Apparently, it's over now and I can come out of my self-imposed virtual sanity bunker, because they named that one guy with nice hair the new Pope, right? Well, whatever. Four months later, four months to go, and all I can think to say is, "Boy, am I glad THAT particular Shit-Show is over!" That is the headline, the opening paragraph, and the concluding statement of my blog on Republican Contenders for the 2012 Presidential Election. Thank you, thank you very much.
Did I win? Do I get to go to Charlotte now, with all-inclusive hotel option?
Seriously, the only parsing of words I did on the subject was to decide whether to use Shit-Show or Shit-Storm as a descriptive of what the Republicans called their "Primary." And I still can't decide. So I will use them both interchangeably. While the amount of hate and vitriol coming out of all of their mouths, and usually at the same time, was definitely a Shit-Storm, the whole thing taken in its entirety was a Shit-Show.
Now that we all have the comfort and serenity of a few days separating us from that Shit-Storm, it is finally safe to prop open one eye and peek out at the damage, and count the survivors. And wait a minute- there seems to be more than Good Hair Guy left standing- is that? Could it be? That other white guy from Texas who used to publish racist newsletters for his racist, libertarian followers? http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/12/the-story-behind-ron-pauls-racist-newsletters/250338/ RON PAUL! (apparently it's a law to write his name in all caps, with an exclamation point, and I am NOTHING! if not law-abiding)
Whoa. I am starting to get excited about this election. True to form, Mr. Paul has said, "I didn't want the Republican nomination anyway, I'm a Libertarian, you idiots!" THAT my friends, promises acres and acres of pure comedy gold in an otherwise, I think it's safe to say, UNcontested election cycle. I am now rooting for RON PAUL! to beat the shit out of the Anointed One, Mitt Romney, if only for the jokes I will get to write in lovely Charlotte, OneOfTheCarolinas, whilst sipping my all-inclusive alcoholic sweet tea and not paying for my flight. At first it was just personal, but now I'm thinking, Pulitzer. ;)
*Unfortunately, none of these people are actually dead.
