The Greatest Heist in History, Until Now

When this here Bush (II) administration started carpet-bombing the American public with scandal after scandal as soon as they took office in 2001, I was just as stunned into "shock and awe" as the next person. There was so much scandal coming at us fast and furious, you'd have to be a 5th-degree black belt ninja in scandal to deflect it, much less react to it in a rational way. So I, like many stunned and disgusted Democrats or anyone to the left of Jerry Falwell, thought ok, these assclowns will just fuck themselves right out of a job in a hurry and if they're not impeached by 2003, I'll be a monkey's uncle- but in any case, by 2004 we can all come back to our senses and elect a REAL President.
Then September 11th, 2001 happened- and again, I saw the guilty look on W's face as he mounted that pile of rubble with the firefighters, and thought everybody else saw it too, because gods almighty, you don't need conspiracy theories to know that that happened ON THEIR WATCH. So I still thought, and rightly so, that Moron Jr. and his gang of thugs were on their way out for mishandling everything so badly.
I didn't fully realize what they were up to until 2003, when Chimpy stood on that aircraft carrier's ramp in a flight suit and declared "Mission Accomplished" while people were dying and Osama bin Laden was scampering off to Pakistan or something. And then I got it again when the Abu Ghraib scandal broke. And then again... oh hell, I don't have time to list them all here- but it came to me all of a sudden:
This is exactly what the New Mexico Governors did for something like 5 centuries, right up until Bill Richardson (and I'm still not sure he's clean).
Whether they were appointed by the King of Spain by Royal Decree, or by the Emperor Maximillian by ultra-royal (and yet, illegitimate) decree, or by the many self-appointed Generales or Presidentes who followed, OR (in case you think I'm being racist) by the U.S. Presidents who had to appoint Territorial Governors for the newly annexed Territory of New Mexico from, when class? when? That's right, from the time the Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo was signed in 1849 until New Mexico became a state in 1912. And then, after that as well. Their common denominator was that they were all corrupt to the core. Their only aim in "governance," if you could call it that, was to steal as much as they possibly could to benefit themselves and their friends/family and then to escape with their lives, if possible.
It all started after the generation of the conquistadors, when New Spain decided that the Northern Territories (as they were called) weren't really all that, and rather than throw good money and people after bad, they'd concentrate on California which was like a Garden of Eden and much more likely to make them filthy rich.
This is hard to believe today, with real estate prices equaling or exceeding that of Manhattan, but Santa Fe was considered a backwater, and "a little hell-hole" as my New Mexico history professor put it. The northern-most territory of New Spain quickly became its Siberia. It's where bad bureaucrats were sent to die, or to do less harm than they could in the magnificent cities of Guadalajara and Mexico City. So as you might imagine, these bureaucrats who were not the cream of the crop in the first place. In fact they were criminals, but they came from high-ranking families so they couldn't be thrown in jail. These ne'er-do-well sons of rich and powerful people (ringing any bells class? Anyone? Buehler?) in their new posts in Santa Fe proceeded to whine, and bitch, and moan about their poor sad sorry lots in life like nobody's bidness. Meanwhile, they had the natives enslaved, growing immense orchards of fruit and wine-grapes for them, harvesting all the food, basically doing all the work- and with nothing else to do, they wrote letter after letter to the King's Chancellors, Ex-Chequer of Mexico, Cortez- whoever they thought might listen- telling them what a little hell-hole Santa Fe was and how desperately they needed supplies, money, guns, strong young men, etc. because the natives were "uncooperative" and they were all "starving", blah blah blah. None of it was true. We archaeologists who know the REAL story from the undeniable material record, get into fits of hysterics, reading those letters, because those dudes were rollin' in it! Because why? Class? What was their goal? That's right, steal as much as they possibly can to benefit themselves and their friends/family and then escape with their lives, if possible.

In fact, this is a point I love to beat my colleagues over the head with whenever we get into it about the arbitrary difference between what we call "history" in America, and "prehistory." They insist that real history started when the "written record" was introduced to this continent. So, people with writing (aka, Europeans, aka, White People) have real history, and people who weren't that "advanced" don't have anything of worth to even talk about so shut up already. I take sadistic pleasure in pointing out repeatedly how racist and arbitrary and hence, skewed and inaccurate that definition is, and this is one of my favorite examples of WHY. Because PEOPLE LIE. In verbiage, in writing, in their thoughts, ALL THE DAMN TIME. Lying was invented way before writing was, anywhere, and every culture does it. Get this in your heads, class. Now. It WILL be on the test!!
Still think I'm being kinda racist, by implying that all Hispano-americans are inherently corrupt or something? Well, even though my archaeologist friend Angelica, who is from Juchipila, Zacatecas (you can't get much more Mexican than that) told me very matter-of-factly that "el corrupcion es la sciencia de los espanoles" (Corruption is the science of the Spanish)- I'm here to tell you, it got much, much worse after the United States took hold of Nuevo Mexico and started the sendin' the white guys in. HOOO boy, howdy, that's when things really went downhill. The first white Territorial Governors were basically the former "Indian Fighters" like Kit Carson who deserved some kind of reward for herding thousands of Navajos from the Northwest corner of New Mexico to the Southeast corner, and then deciding that was a really bad idea and herding them back, into Arizona. Along the way, a lot of them died. But Carson and his cronies like George Bent were masters of the Santa Fe Trail and all its commerce- they were like big gang bosses essentially, except they would do the bidding of the U.S. Army when it suited them. They made lousy governors. And since there was already this long, upstanding tradition of corruption in Santa Fe and locals seemed to like their traditions- I mean, why buck it? So their stated and unstated goals became, what class? What was that? Can we say it all together? steal as much as they possibly could to benefit themselves and their friends/family and then to escape with their lives, if possible. Long story short, after Carson and Bent, the litany of Territorial Governors reads like a dirty laundry list from a rogue's gallery full of crime and intrigue. The Wikipedia list isn't near complete. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Governors_of_New_Mexico_Territory
Whoever posted this was probably too embarrassed to tell the real story. As you'll notice, the average tenure was like 6 months. If it says "died in office," that means they were killed. So many white guys were offed in the first year by angry mobs, the various U.S. Presidents in charge of filling that post were in the same position as the Mexican Presidentes, various kings, etc. They were scrapin' the bottom of the barrel.
here's another pretty map of Territorial New Mexico, and Utah.
But here's why this story gives me hope. Put' near ALL of the Territorial Governors, thieving, murderous dogs that they were, were run out of town on a rail or sometimes strung up right in that picturesque Santa Fe Plaza you hippies love to hang out in. Thank God. My friend Beth's great-great-grandfather, Samuel Beach Axtell, was one who managed to escape with his life and tell the tale. The U.S. gov't brought him in from Utah Territory thinking he'd be immune to the corruption, as an outsider, which was mostly true, but even he couldn't keep his hands out of the cookie jar and he fled for his life in the middle of the night on a fast horse before the angry mob, pitchforks, torches and all, came for him. I imagine he headed straight East to Texas, and relative civilization.
"Axtell exhibited good administrative and legislative qualities while Governor of Utah and Representative from California, respectively, but his tenure as Governor of New Mexico would be so inept, a federal agent named Frank Angel would later describe Governor Axtell's administration as having more "corruption, fraud, mismanagement, plots and murder" than any other Governor in the history of the United States. This contributed to the lawlessness that prevailed in much of the territory, and Axtell's inability to understand or combat that problem. He often exhibited dictatorial practices, and when something was wrong, he would blame someone else." (Wikipedia)
Sound familiar?
Here's the hopeful part. It wasn't political rivals who came for them, by and large, it was the people. People had the power then, exploited and enslaved and oppressed as they were- people damn sure have the power now. Not that I am in any way advocating violence.
I guess the difference with today's gang is that incompetents were purposefully chosen, (Mike "heckuva job" Brown, college roommate of one of Bush's pals) and told to screw things up as much as possible, so that people get the impression that government never works and we should get rid of it/privatize everything.
Mark my words, that is the end goal. They are now trying to pull off the greatest heist in human history. Not just what's in the Treasury now, but what might be in the Treasury for a few generations to come. Make no mistake, this is a stick-up. This time, the Shock and Awe is coming from Wall Street, the Weapons of Mass Destruction are the credit banks and the mortgage banks, threatening to implode and take us all down with them if we don't do what they say.
Send money, guns, and young men, and quickly! The natives are at my door! (yes, they're bringing you your apricot wine, like you asked, Senor....)
Same thing.
It's another big, fat, whopping lie.
yawn.
Don't fall for it.

On a side note, this monkey business didn't end with Statehood for New Mexico. Ohhhh no. Because what is their stated goal, class? One more time? oh yeah- steal as much as they possibly could to benefit themselves and their friends/family and then to escape with their lives, if possible. And it continues to this day, down to the smallest State bureaucrat in that 3rd world country to the South of me (even the secretary of graduate studies at UNM who held my NSF Fellowship-winning roommate's new computer hostage for months, trying to figure out a way she could profit from it)- but my favorite stories are from the "governor" who presided when I lived there, and that's "gov'nr" Gary Johnson. He was so incredibly bad and inept, NPR did a TWO-HOUR long special on his amazing badness. The theme was, the same backdrop I've set for you, that he even out-badded the Territorial Governors, and the lying ne'er-do-well hidalgos from the Colonial days. In 1994 he ran on a platform of "reform", and smaller government. He had no political experience, just ran a huge commercial construction company that his father-in-law handed him. You guessed it, he was actually a Libertarian in Republican clothing. Within a month of taking office, he had done two things that crack me up to this day: First thing, he dissolved a whole helluva lotta state agencies because he found them "unnecessary," e.g. they provided essential regulatory services that "got in the way of business." This included the Livestock Inspection stations which are positioned at points of entry on all four sides of New Mexico (*as well as most of the rest of the State agriculture Department). He said, "New Mexico beef is the finest in the world! Everyone should trust us and take our word for it!" The next day, all those livestock inspection people who had voted for him lost their jobs. And the guy who was the head of the USDA at the time, the agency that requires all states to have these livestock inspection stations, was like, "Uhhhmmmm, okay, you can do that I guess, but we're going to have to treat you like a foreign country now. And you will have to pass much stricter regulations and standards, because you are behaving like a foreign country, with exotic foodstuffs." Gov'r Johnson quickly and quietly reversed course and stationed like one guy, whom he probably found at "Rent-A-Livestock-Inspector" for $5 an hour, at each port-of-entry.
The next thing was even better- he also ran on a platform of getting the Indian gaming under control because white people were getting totally pissed off that the goddam 'Ndns were finally getting some money, and power, and fighting for their rights- so the next thing he did in office was try and shut down all the Indian casinos except for a few roulette wheels or something. He started with the Pueblo of Pojoaque, which is close to Santa Fe and had just opened a spankin' brand new casino and had plans for even more. The highway that runs from Santa Fe to Espanola (and on up to Bandelier, Los Alamos, Chimayo- all that tourist stuff) runs right through Pojoaque land, and several other pueblos for that matter. The Pojoaque Tribal Council had been expecting some shenanigans like this and they were ready. They said, okay white boy, you could do that but uhm, you realize that we are a sovereign nation and your State highway runs through our land at our discretion- so we'll just have to shut down that highway and turn it into a toll road to make up for the lost revenue.
We'll be nice - we'll only charge oh, maybe 8, 10 dollars a car.
Gov'nr Johnson quickly and quietly reversed course and promised never to bother them again, if they let him live. They did. And yet, somehow, he was re-elected. Go to NPR, check out the archives... or I'll try to find it... it's a fantabulous story.

FEAR NOT, PARTE DOS! (but FYI, shotguns are on sale at Kmart...)

I've been staggering back and forth between abject fear and laughing-my-ass-off indifference for the past two weeks, much like the frat boys who run Wall Street have been staggering around for the past 30 years. But they have an excuse. They've been drunk.
When I say Fear Not, mis amigos, I don't say it lightly. I'm not saying "Don't worry, be happy" (aka, go ahead and do those farewell drugs). I know there is plenty to fear out there, plenty of reason to fear, plenty of conspiracy theories to conjure up that would scare the pants off a Vietnam Vet, plenty of bad past behavior that tends to predict future behavior. As a momma bear I have to listen to my instincts about protecting myself and my family, and PLAN for the best hopeful outcome at the same time. Fortunately for us women, multi-tasking is not difficult. Por ejemplo: While talking to Randi Rhodes on her show about how awesome the DNC and Obama and everything was going to be, I was filling up my emergency 5-gal water bottles. Juuuuuusssssst in case. True Story.
So. These past two weeks have been like cold-water slapped in the face after a wwweeeeee bit too long stewing in the old de-regulation jacuzzi. Ahhhhhhh... What a relief. I mean, it's kind of a relief when the shit finally hits the fan, isn't it? For more than 2 years now we've been waiting, biting our nails for this moment, when the biggest banks the world has ever known would collapse under their own irresponsible, monopoly-money weight, and then not even ask or beg politely to be bailed out, nay, but DEMAND that we bail out their sorry asses and NOW with no oversight, just hand over the money bitches!!
My first response is kinda Goodfellas, as in "Fuck YOU, pay me." The next response comes from my redneck half (that's my dad's side) which is grab the guns and bar the door. Those muthafrakkers come for your house, your farm, your car, your dog- I think you have every right to pull a shotgun on them at close range and use whatever catchphrase suits you. All of them translate to, "Nuh-uh."
In this sense, I have so much in common with my Republican brother-in-law, it's not even funny. He's been preparing for this day since he was oh, about 10, maybe younger, when his father was killed in an industrial accident and he was suddenly "man of the house." Make no mistake, I have respect for the guy. He knows how to hunt, and he pretty much walks his talk, which is un-sanctimonious, and generous to a fault with those he loves. With no college education, he's a hard worker, well respected in his field, and pretty damn smart. (and somewhat ironically, a proud union member).
Which is why I cannot allow him to vote for Grampy McSame.
Or, which is why it totally pisses me off that despite everything, EVEN THIS, he WILL vote for John McSame.
Let me back up a bit and explain why I'm writing this blog. Last weekend we went up to Greeley to visit the nephew for Family Day at UNC, where nephew just started. yaay, nephew!! We're so proud! Also we went for the brunch buffet which included all-you-can-eat prime rib and waffles. *Very good, I might add, since the cow came from right down the street. Driving up there through Adams and Weld Counties via Hwy 85, you get a very clear sense very early on that you are no longer in Obama Territory. Greeley is a friendly enough town, despite the slaughterhouse and stockyards, but getting up there is like crossing through No-Man's-Land for us progressives. Don't expect me to launch into a hilarious travelogue here that basically gets me cheap laughs at the expense of rural people and their culture, that's not what I'm here for. Like I said, half of me is redneck, from the smallest of towns in South Dakota for chrissake, and there's a reason this mutual hatred/contempt/disdain divide is growing in America- I don't need to add to it, and don't see the point.
Drive through any rural county that's adjacent to a major metropolitan area in America, and you'll see that this election is as much about Country vs. City, as it is Black vs. White, and Rich vs. Poor. There's a reason McSame picked a small-town mayor from a largely rural state who touts "small-town values" and loves to hunt, ride dirt bikes, do meth, etc. It's because of this divide, which has been nurtured and allowed to grow for the past 8 years (or I would say, 28), built on a false notion that country mice and city mice are fundamentally "diff'ernt" as my grandmother would say (god rest her soul), and therefore "other" and therefore easily, "enemy."

(this is a cute picture to keep you interested, break up the text, and display my happy-dance moves.)
So in many ways, I totally empathize with the country mindset, but I can't claim it.
Which brings me to my original point. My brother-in-law will vote for McCain no matter what I say, because yes, it's his last stand so to speak, at least philosophically. The anthropologist in me ponders these things and comes up with what me & my colleagues have always come up to explain inexplicable behavior in groups of humans, behavior that is against their own best interest, behavior that is self-destructive: People don't want to admit that they're wrong.
(if this blog were a talkshow, instead of "Ah-ha!" moments, I would have "Duh" moments, and that was one of them.) Duh. Big dog double duh.
I mean, really, really, REALLY don't want to admit that they're wrong. Like, ever.
Not even when they're going over that cliff, headfirst, and the guy who they thought was their best friend PUSHED them and is now laughing his ass off up top, and holding your wallet, as well as your pants, because he ripped them off you first and told you this was skinny dippin'. They'll be yellin', "see you at the lake, Mac!" as they plunge 10,000 feet to their doom.
That's right, many people would literally rather die, than admit they're wrong.
Rural people especially don't want to feel like they're being told that their entire way of life is wrong, because they already get that feeling from pop culture. But they are by far, not the only ones. There's about 20% of people who cannot or will not bring themselves to think for a moment that even PART of their worldview might be based on false premises. That don't want to be told that it's not okay to be racist and it NEVER was. They don't want to hear that their behavior is inherently sexist and needs to change. They don't want to know that their old one-ton pickup truck is causing the polar icecaps to melt and maybe they should switch to biodiesel (grow your own!)
However,John McSame knows that rural people in pertickler feel picked on, and that's why he's telling them that they are right, for once. His message is that there's nothing wrong with being racist, or sexist, or extremely religion-ist, or a fun-lovin', atv-drivin', gun-totin' redneck. yeeha! That's what Ammurrka is all about, right?
So for the sake of pride, and ego, and saving face, this same 20% of the American population (most of them, my family) will vote for John McCain. It will be their last act of defiance as they're dragged, not into "that good night" but into the dawn of a new era. And once they get there, they will find plenty of hard work to please their spirits and plenty to be proud of, but precious little to whine about.
Especially taxes.
So this is what my sister-in-law brings up, as we're tucking in to our lovely roast beest and peppering the freshman nephew with questions; Taxes. I made a sarcastic comment that it wouldn't bother me too much if bro-in-law's (her husband, did I mention?) absentee ballot got lost in the mail. She replied, well at least he researches the issues, unlike most people who just see a commercial and then decide. I mumbled something about anyone who did a lick of research would know that McSame is not on their side. She retorted (and this is rare for her) that Bro-law would probably say the same about me, and didn't I realize that other people with different upbringings, religions, and income brackets would just not want to pay higher taxes? I looked at her like, HUH? Both eyebrows arched to the utmost. I started to say, uh, no, that's never made any sense to me and besides Obama's plan would give way more tax breaks to the middle class while Grampy's basically just continues the cornholing, but older, but she rattled off some more platitudes about "isn't it great that people can disagree in this country and still live together" while I checked her cranberry juice for drugs.
Perhaps I should direct her to my other blog, "No longer the difference between Coke and Pepsi." Or perhaps not.
No, I don't get the whining about taxes, because it's just that, a whine. It's a cover for people who can't bring themselves to vote for a black man, because in their hierarchical little brains, that puts a black man Above them somehow, and they can't have that.
They would literally rather die, and see their children sold into slavery for the Chinese, than admit they've been bamboozled, lied to, raped and then forced to pay for the rape kit- than vote for change.
So still, fear not, Obama will be President, and it will be great, but not perfect. We'll have a lot more of those Waco-style compounds springing up as the right-wing voters refuse to participate in the rebuilding of America and instead wall themselves off rather than admit that a black man is President, or place themselves in any way "subservient" to him. This is unfortunate, but may be a necessary step in our evolution as a country. Bruce the psychological-guy explains to me that integrally speaking, these people are still in the "orange" phase where everything's a hierarchy and the person "above" you is not your friend unless they look, act and talk just like you. We anthropologists have a better way of explaining it: they're operating from the lizard brain, or the reptilian cortex, which in more common terms houses the ego, and that great sin of pride. But this time, I sure hope no one gets killed. Especially children.
Fear Not! means having courage and an open, generous heart even in these difficult times. We can't mock those who aren't at our integral-level-of-consciousness yet (it's green, by the way). We need to let them know that our invitation to the Global Tiki Party of Hope is always open, come as you are. Bring the kids, bring the family! We need to SHOW them how much fun the new way is going to be aside from just preaching it. We need to empathize and agree that this Oil-Death Culture had everyone in a trance so that it was damn near impossible to even imagine another way of life. We need to let them know that they do have skills, and brains, and gifts to bring, and that we need those gifts. We need all the help we can get.
We also need to let them know, in no uncertain terms, that whining about your taxes when you're already rich, and on top of social heap, when people are dying, children are starving in our country or can't go to school, and close to half of all Americans have no reliable healthcare, and basically the corporations are drilling all of US, right here right now, - is totally unacceptable. Refuse to listen to that whine. Tell them "we are better than this" if you have to.
Yes, switching over and retooling our economy and entire way of life is going to be difficult, but as an anthropologist, I know we can do it. Not just hope, I KNOW WE CAN. Switch every building over to solar power in ten years? I KNOW we can. Switch and re-tool every car over to electric, which is powered by solar? Impossible? nay! I KNOW we can do it. Restore the wetlands along the entire Gulf Coast so that hurricanes are absorbed the way Nature intended? That's a big, muddy task but I KNOW we can do it. Try out s'more seemingly impossible tasks in your head, roll them around a little bit, let go of "how things are" right now, and see if you don't come up with KNOWING that we can do this.
Joe Strummer had a great quote on his radio show that I wish I had a soundbite of to play right now. He basically said, with a tone of wonder in his voice, "People can do ANYTHING. We're truly amazing. Anything they put their minds to- ANYTHING! Cure a disease, feed everyone, build the most amazing buildings on Earth- anything! And most people spend their lives telling themselves the lie they've heard from someone else- that they can't do it, that things are impossible, that no one can save the world. It's nonsense. It's simply not true."
I think I'll end with that. :)

FEAR NOT!

The DNC response to the Palin nomination:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/0SAJ7JN5VFAWT249NNR2.anigifdel/52655a293dd83d8907715bb13c7dc39d

I forgot to post that at the top of my last blog. Couldn't get the html for it, so click on that link! and laugh, heartily!

So anyway, now that we've all had a good laugh about this, let me break it down in more scientific, anthropological terms for everyone.
John McCain is really fockin' old.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22759611/ Even Chuck Norris says so, and I didn't realize he was still alive. (didn't he have a Death Wish, VI?)
Their campaign would be pathetic no matter who the Republican empty-suit was, put up to follow this legacy of corrupt liars thieves and murderers, but it's especially pathetic because after 26 years in the Senate, 8 of them voting in lockstep with Bush and ignoring the personal damage Rove inflicted on his family, he now has to pretend that he has nothing to do with the Bush administration. That he is, in fact, a "maverick" just because he says so, and boy, so does everyone else! Even on Fox! Where ya know, they're like "Fair and Balanced" and all. heh hehe.]
Everyone knows McCain is old, and tired, and most people also know that he is incredibly boring, all at the same time. Along with the boring old-man grumpiness, he's got that crotchety old man temper, which shows up every so often when he calls his pill-popping heiress wife a "cunt" in front of reporters and scolds her for dressing like a trollop. Whoa! That's some maverick marital action right there! Exciting! Nothing like my grandfather at all!
Oh wait- except it is a bit like one of my grandfathers, who was a raging alcoholic and couldn't hold a job and would come home and beat his wife and 12 children, until his wife got rid of him by blacklisting him as a Communist. Go Grandma! Wooo! Since he was living in exile in Seattle, I never met him, but still I'm pretty sure we don't want a President like that.
He's not only old, he's had every type of skin cancer you can think of, and has to get checked like, every week to make sure his dormant carcinomas don't implode or eat him alive. Not to be mean, but, christ almighty is that a nasty way to die. Apparently you can only stave it off for so long before it comes back FOR GOOD. And being the Senator from Arizona... welll... let's just say it's really hard to avoid the sun and mingle with your constituents at the same time (not that he ever does.)
Anyway.
This Palin puta is their proverbial last gasp of desperation/false hope. The glimmer will fade in a couple days, and the nails will be in their campaign coffin sometime after the VP debate. During which, Joe Biden will wipe the floor with her, while simultaneously giving her opportunities to dig herself out of the privy her "verbage" is in, because he's a gent. But she'll fail to take any of those opportunities to save herself, because she's so dumb and narrow-minded she wouldn't know a debating opportunity if it came up and bit her flabby ass, and left lipstick marks.
So let them have their moment of false hope, let them exult in their new "chicky la-la" as one conservative caller from Colorado Springs put it (on the Randi Rhodes show) and round about Halloween.... I think it will become obvious who's going to win this election in a landslide.
As Randi herself said, I just can't take this here McCain-Palin "campaign" seriously at all, and therefore you shouldn't take their supporters too seriously. Go ahead and laugh in their faces, but then clap them on the back and offer to buy them a beer, because the truth is, they know they need one.
Oh and do this too, because it's hilarious:
http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html
This has been CHOP METH PALIN, signing off....

You Can Put Lipstick on a Pig-fokker, but it's Still a Pig-fokker.

Or as someone posted on a Newsweek comment page, "You can put lipstick on a filthy, lying, power abusing religious zealot, its still a republican."

Obama Has too Much Class to Call Sarah Palin a Pig , So I Will.
Sarah Palin is a the pig-fokkers' whore, a lying sack of pigshit, and Queen Pig of Hypocrites. She is also a lousy mother. And, it goes without saying, guns or no, I could completely kick her ass.


Miss-Informed for VP '08!
I'm not running for President of anything, so I can say these things. At least, for 50 -some more days I can. I'm posting this picture of her to illustrate a couple things, but the main one is that I want people to see FO' REAL how totally ludicrous it is to even imagine this woman as Vice President.
Take a good, hard look. Laughing yet? I am. Because while I realize that 20% of the American population is creamin' their jeans at the thought of this nasty bitch being in power, the rest of us are having a hard time taking this seriously. And that's as it should be. I've gotten a deluge of emails from every non-profit advocacy group I belong to or has my email address- from environmental to pro-choice to human rights, all are saying/screaming the same thing: Don't dismiss her as fluff! Be afraid! Be very afraid! Gads, ya know, I'm trying to empathize and do the right thing- but whilst searching my feelings (as Old Ben Kenobi advised me to do) - I certainly didn't come up with FEAR. Anywhere. On. The. List. Snorts of derision? Yes. Contempt? Check. Disgust with hypocrisy? You bet.
And really NARAL, NOW, Human Rights Watch- I'm surprised at you! Have you forgotten the Bene Gesserit Sisterhood's Litany Against Fear? You have? Ok I'll repost it for all to see:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Say that a few times, breathe. Let the fear seep out of you. Let the little Zen half-smile play about your lips.



And git to visualizin' peeple! As my friend jen said so aptly, "Worry is praying for things you don't want." So without getting too hooky-dooky woo-woo on ya, let's concentrate on visualizing / praying for the things we DO want. Which is, if I'm not mistaken, Obama as President, Biden as his right-arm/bulldog, and the rest of us getting to the happy warrior work of turning this country around and getting it back on track. And thereby, saving the world. I've said this before a few times but I'll say it as often as necessary until the positive result is achieved.

Do whatever positive visualization works for you.
With this one, it's now including a defeated, humiliated Sarah Palin being impeached or recalled by the Alaskan citizens who used to "love" her, now disgusted by all the corruption, malfeasance, and double-talk coming out of her office.
On the other hand, I've been having visions and dreams for a few months now about the Obama family residing in the White House. Doing normal, everyday, Presidential things like waving to crowds and reporters as they disembark from Marine One on the South Lawn, the girls having sleep-overs and birthday parties at their place, Michelle Obama smudging the West Wing with tons of sacred sage to get the evil voodoo vibes out...oh but the best one was the dream I had of Barack Obama sitting at the desk in the Oval Office for the first time, smiling, joking, flashbulbs going off, Biden patting him on the back as he sat down, generally a happy, hopeful atmosphere.
That's a dream we don't need to wake up from. Also, in the background was Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground." Did i mention that already? That needs to be the Inaugural Ball theme, for real.
So I've had quite enough of the fear-mongering, thank you, and I think the American people are done with it too.
This doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to quit making fun of Sarah Palin, or pointing out their rank hypocrisy and flip-flops, and whorish daughters.
OH no. That's just par for the course. But I won't do it because I'm AFRAID of her, no, I'll do it because we all seriously need to laugh at the whole pathetic joke of the McCain campaign every damn day, and heartily, with gusto.
Besides if you have the hubris to accept the nomination as VP while knowing that you don't have a lick of experience or intelligence or character or judgment to do the job- to me that just screams, "bring it on!"


(An Open Letter to Sarah Palin Inc. that hasn't been vetted by Charlie Gibson)
"So you preach abstinence-only sex education and then your 17-year-old daughter gets knocked up by the local hockey jock. Hmmm. But you're proud of this, because it's YOUR daughter, and she's white, and christian, not like those unwashed brown heathens who are having too many kids they can't support. Hmmm. I've given this a lot of thought over the past week, searched my feelings thoroughly, and after quite a few snorts of derision and giggles of disbelief, I've decided that you can go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on, bitch. That's right. I've been called a whore by the likes of you smug, self-righteous hypocritical bastard pieces of shit since about 1993, when Newt Gingrich & Co. hijacked Congress and declared war on the American people. That would include anyone who disagreed with him and his extremist, right-wing views, and that would include most women. Even nuns. Suddenly every female who thought they had the inherent right to control their own bodies and make their own life decisions were called stupid, dirty, filthy whores. So, right back atcha. And then some.
I don't wish ill for your daughter and her future child, because she's already in a world of hurt with a mother like you. And then there's your first-born son, shipping out for Iraq right now because.. he's such a big patriot, right? At the age of 18, he's decided that this Occupation in the Middle East is totally awesome and he wants a piece of it? No? It's actually because he got caught stealing liquor and vandalizing school buses in Wasilla, and law enforcement gave him the choice: either join the Army, or go to jail? Ohhhhhh.... well that's different. So how is Track? Oh you don't know, because he won't even be seen with you these days? Haven't spoken in months? Sounds like the lad's got a good head on his shoulders, and the Army might straighten him out. Since I've been estranged from my parents for going on 8 years now, let me tell you something straight: kids don't kick off their parents for whiny little reasons. The reason usually is, in some shape or form, that they realize their parents are big-ass liars and don't love them at all, and probably won't ever change. So rather than put up with the lies and bullcrap and let it damage them into adulthood, they "divorce" themselves from your narcissistic b.s. and make their own way. Looking back, I wish I had been as smart as Track and joined the Navy or something, at his age.
Then there's the middle kids, who haven't really done anything criminal yet, but there's still time. Oh and another thing about my lying-ass, abusive parents: crazy and messed up as they were, they would have considered themselves total failures as parents if one of us had ended up either pregnant or in jail. We didn't, in spite of them. You've got two kids doing both, and it doesn't seem to faze you. And apparently, that's just the tip of your narcissistic iceberg, because you just accepted the potential job of being VP for the most powerful country on Earth, only 4 months after giving birth to a special needs child. Whoa.
Again, here's something I can spout off on because I have a little experience in this area. Even with my PERFECT (physically and mentally) baby girl, it was the most difficult thing I've ever done to drag my ass back to work 3 months after she was born, and my job is basically educated DATA ENTRY. More difficult than pulling 20-hour shifts fighting forest fires, more difficult than taking care of my dad and brother, as a child, after one of my mom's numerous suicide attempts, more difficult even, than putting myself through college by working 3 jobs and finishing it all in 2.5 years flat. At least in college, there were the occasional margarita breaks.
And one of those jobs, during and after college, happened to be working with special needs children. Down's Syndrome kids especially. HOLY GODS ALMIGHTY but do they need a lot of early intervention, intensive care, and real love, not fake love.
No, you can't do it well and skin a moose at the same time, let alone be Vice President. Nope. Can't be done. You have to make a choice, a moral choice, and it's clear that time and time again, you've chosen your career and unholy ambition above all else. This makes you and McCain perfect for each other http://www.snopes.com/politics/mccain/carol.asp
but, that alone should tell people something about you.
Not that they should be afraid of you, but quite the opposite. They should openly scoff at your phoniness, your hypocrisy, and your corruption of spirit, and they should do so without fear of being called "sexist" or "mean."
So Miss Runner-Up 1984, you may be the redneck's wet dream of a VP candidate, a politician he can put a pin-up of in the garage and whack off to while the Star Spangled Banner blares from his monster truck speakers- but the rest of us will be smiling and waving from the Winner's Circle, which is known as the Oval Office in this case. That's right bitch, I've never been no "runner-up", I've always been The Queen.

The Official Post-DNC Volunteer Blog!

That's right, I didn't want to start off with the big "WOW" photo, but what the heck!  I mean, this is the back of Tom Daschle's head we're talking about!  I was assigned to the "Meet and Greet Team" at DIA on Sunday, August 24th, the day before the convention started and let me tell you- it was this exciting ALL DAY LONG.
As they say in whispered tones backstage at Miss America "The excitement back here is at FEVER PITCH."  Seriously.  It's like we were behind the scenes and out front as the delegates' and dignitaries' first contact with friendly-ass Denver ALL AT THE SAME TIME.  It was a heady responsibility, and sometimes we had to retire to the Official Volunteer Breakroom just to have fatty snacks to stop the dizziness.

Here's the non-wow picture of some volunteer, I mean, uh, my fellow comrade volunteer's head getting in the way of cute, super-nice Tom Daschle, so I couldn't yell out to him, "my family's from South Dakota and we thank you!!'  Alas.

..And here's how it looked from the front once all us kats got herded in for a group picture...

I'm behind him.  See if you can spot me. 
And then I got re-assigned to be a "wrangler" for catching any stray delegates that may have wandered past the huge throng of us bright-orange-shirted, WELCOME sign waving freaks by the fountain on the main concourse (where the subway trains all empty out) so I must have missed this guy- doh!

I like to think I was, at this moment, waving and saying Hi! to Amy Goodman on the main concourse as she walked by, ungreeted, talking on her cell phone.  I recognized her, waved my Welcome sign, shouted, Amy Goodman!  Hi! Welcome to Denver! and the magic worked, because she said "Hi..." back (the dots after that are code for, "do I know this crazy woman?"  Democracy dork that I am, Amy Goodman, esteemed yet humble host of Democracy Now!, is one of my heroes.  I don't regret NOT going into journalism too many times, but every time I hear her reporting, there's a wee pang of remorse in my heart, for what might have been. Also, as everyone knows who has finally or suddenly gotten to see one of their heroes or favorite celebrities in real life, you will do any dad-blame goofy thing to get their attention without hopefully intruding too much on their personal space.  But I had an excuse, I had a bright orange t-shirt, and a big sign.  So.  It would have been rude of me to whip out my cellphone and try to take a picture of her, so I stole one off Flickr.  She looked  something like  this, except in an airport, and wearing different clothes. 

But back to Al Gore, whose arrival at DIA I missed.  That probably explains the puzzled and somewhat pained look on his face in this next photo, where he's surrounded by enthusiastic, warm volunteers, but he's clearly thinking,  "where's Suzy? I thought she would be here....."

And then, horror of horrors, he had to climb into the big black SUV that was assigned and waiting for him.  Sure, they were all hybrid flex-fuels, donated by GM, but still- how did  he feel, climbing into that thing?

Hmmm.......
Anyway.  After Amy Goodman said Hi! to me, I was blase about Sam Donaldson and his wife walking by me.  I mean, how can that man still call himself a journalist, with the likes of Amy Goodman in the same amphitheatre?
Then it was back up to Curbside to meet Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) and his entourage- woooo!!  Serious woo.  He is the utterer of  one of my favorite quotes re: Bush, which I have as a screensaver at work: "Welll.... I guess Bush finally disproves that whole theory of 'White Supremacy' once and for all, doesn't he?" 
Here's the group pic from Penny, who put them all on Flickr.

Not to give too much away, but I'm the floating head behind Mr. Rangel, wearing sunglasses.  Wooooo!  I just had to say that again. 
As far as other political celebrities, I also got to meet Former Speaker of the House Jim Wright, of Texas, who is getting on in years but an extremely nice man, and SO excited to be there to help elect our next Democratic President!  If anyone remembers, he was Speaker for 2 years (1987-1989) during the Reagan Administration, and was trying to hold them more accountable for all that Iran-Contra crap, until Newt Gingrich went after him on charges of "unethical conduct" (Wright was selling books he authored at private speaking engagements...known as book-signings.... yeah, throw that bum out! how dare he! That's much worse than torturing prisoners, obstructing justice and starting a huge war on a lie!)  and he resigned.  Very nice man.
I also got to meet Rep. Nydia Velasquez, D-NY, who  introduced herself as the first Puerto Rican woman elected to Congress, and she's been there 16 years now so she must be doing something right.  She was stunning, very nice,  and the poor thing had to wait at least 45 minutes for her stupid rental car to show up.  We kept trying to entice her into one of the hybrid SUV's, but I guess the car was on its way, so she chatted with volunteers and called her staff on her cell phone.
There were probably other people I saw or met that I'm forgetting about, but towards the end of the shift when I was dead on my feet, I finally got to escort a VIP to baggage claim and to his waiting DNC car... and at first I didn't know who he was except another smart, handsome, nice Democrat dude... and then I googled him and oh snap!  He's a total stud! 
Former Navy Rear Admiral John D. Hutson, former Judge Advocate General for the Navy, now Dean of the Law School at Franklin Pierce College in NH.... and an expert on why we shouldn't be violating Geneva Conventions and torturing prisoners- because it makes OUR soldiers less safe, and all bets are off.  He testified against confirming Alberto Gonzales as Attorney General based on his abhorrent record and views on torture.
http://www.fplc.edu/johnhutson/

Dang me!  He was very unassuming, pleasant, polite, and in a hurry to get to his hotel as it was getting mighty late.  He mentioned that he was speaking on the first day of the convention, then going to a human rights panel, then some other thing, then off to his nephew's wedding.   It was a nice way to cap off the night.  Then a group of us volunteers whose shifts were over were whisked back to the DNC motorpool lot to our cars, and Peeps called me to tell me he'd found a lost doggie and was personally walking him down to the Pound. :) 
The next day was my birthday and the start of the Convention.  I was determined to see some action up close, so I loaded little girl into the bike trailer after her nap and biked on  down to  the Pepsi Center area, with cupcakes in hand to give away.  The original plan was to give them to Randi Rhodes, but security proved too tight, so I settled for calling into her show to welcome her to Denver and complain about the g-d trustfunder protestors. :)  I had about 10 delicious, wheat-free mini-cupcakes to unload (with sparkly frosting stars on top) and so after being turned away by armed guards at the gates, rode up to the Market st. bridge where the delegates were streaming past on their way to the Pepsi Center, and started hollerin' like a true carny, "Happy My Birthday! Have a free Cupcake!"  And can you believe it?  No one took them except a tired looking guy hawking t-shirts.  Come to think of it, I  probably wouldn't take a cupcake from a stranger either.  Not even the nice woman who also hung out near me on her bike for awhile and chatted would take one.  "I'm trying to lose weight, actually" (she was slender and fit).  Harumph.  Then some guys from CNN came up and took a picture of my t-shirt, which is an Environmentalists for Obama shirt, which they claim they'd never seen before.  It didn't make it into the little "slideshow" thingy though, so maybe the guy was just trying to get a close-up of my rack. 
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/26/slideshow.buttons/index.html

Darn, that was going to be my closer, but I can't top Peeps' blog anyway so I'll just stop there and go to bed.   But wait!  Wait!  More about Amy Goodman! So tonite on Democracy Now! on PBS, she aired an impromptu interview she had with Jon Stewart of the Daily Show, at baggage claim in Minneapolis airport. During said interview (which was awesome) she remarked to him, "ya know, the atmosphere here is very different than Denver (where they all just came from)- in Denver they had all kinds of people welcoming you and making sure you got where you were going..." That's ME she's talking about people, ME!!! Yours truly! I ALONE am responsible for Amy Goodman having a good impression of Denver and the DNC in general!  So.  Anyway Jon Stewart said, "yeah, there's almost a sense of shame in the air here, like they'd rather not be hosting this at all...."  and then a lot of other really funny and astute stuff.
That's it for now- until another unofficial unconvention comes along- this is the Queen, signing off!  Good night and good luck.