Vulnerable, Fragile, Helpless, Powerless?

We have been without electrical power, intermittently, for the past 4 days, in the middle of a cold snap, and this situation smacks me upside the head with how vulnerable our society has made us. 

So I stopped writing, right there, because truly, I do not do my best thinking when I'm nearly paralyzed and/or erupting like a rageful volcano of fear.  I mistakenly listened to some in-depth Democracy Now reporting on the Global Warming summit as well, and was informed that we are WAY past any sort of "mitigation" timeline, and at this point it is going to be so catastrophic that only 1/10th of the current human population will survive.

More paralysis. More volcanoes erupting in my head. 

Then I started breathing again, and talking myself down from the ledge as I have been doing since I was 8 years old, when it dawned on me that I was stuck in my sucky ass family situation until I was 18, and that was it.  So deal.  Similar kind of thing, as far as my lizard brain is concerned.  I also reminded myself that I am an Anthropologist with a Capital A, and I have Known This and A Great Many Other Horrible Things For A Very Long Time.  But somehow, with getting married and having a real job and a kid, those things ceased to terrify me like they once did.  Or maybe I was just busy, getting no sleep and working for slave wages because I HAD TO, not because it was some uppity Feminist Choice of mine.  For Christ's sake, what woman in her right mind would CHOOSE to work an additional 40 hours or more, outside the home, while nursing and raising an infant??? But that's for another blog.

At any rate.  Yes, I've known this for awhile.  Theoretically, intellectually, conversationally, statistically, and occasionally, when I'm not distracting my mind and body with caffeine and the internet, even emotionally.  But truthfully, I haven't let myself FEEL my feelings about this in almost 15 years.  Back in my 20's, I was quite the self-righteous asshole.  What do you mean "was", you say?  No, seriously.  I would tell people that if they didn't adopt rather than selfishly have their own children, they might as well slit their wrists at the same time because basically that's planetary suicide.  And driving a car, on top of that?  Are you kidding me?  Why even bother.  Just kill yourself now. 

If you study past civilizations for even a semester or two, you quickly learn that despite our immense, unwarranted hubris of being the "most advanced" civilization ever, what controls and dominates the entire Earth, we are seriously no more than a bunch of lucky yutzes, hanging on by the skin of our teeth.  And the more Advanced we supposedly are, the less connected to Reality we actually are, as it turns out.  ( I would argue that we're not even advanced, but that's for another blog as well).  It's not just Americans anymore, EVERYONE wants to think that they are the exception to the rule.  That sure, we may be at the very tippy top of this here civilization pyramid- but the only place to go is UP, right?  Or, to Space?  No one thinks that it's all going to come crashing down.  I get it.  The Cahokians probably thought they were Kings of the World too, right before it all collapsed and the survivors went back to hunting and foraging in the woods.  The Mayans thought that even as they chopped down the last tree to burn for fuel within hundreds of miles.  The Aztecs, shit they INVENTED hubris on a grand scale- right before the Conquistadors showed up.  Moctezuma was basically the George W. Bush of his time, sitting on an inherited/stolen throne, having no idea how to govern his vast territory, saying very little, and not making a helluva lotta sense when he did speak.  Most of his people hated him too, and were sort of relieved when Cortez aka "Quetzalcoatl" appeared as if by magic, to liberate them all.  How do I know this?  I'm an anthropologist. One of my professors gave me a button to wear in field school that said, "We have charts and graphs to back up our data, so fuck off."  Overlaid on a yellow smiley-face background. 

But I digress. 

The thing is, without electricity, and the means to produce my own, I am totally f*&&#@ perhaps even more so than a third-worlder with a shack to her name- because chopping down trees for firewood is frowned upon in my established neighborhood.  Thank God- the furnace was still working.  And if it wasn't, we have these things called hotels, and because I've spent the last ten years building a community of friends and neighbors- there are many people we probably could have stayed with.  But still. The point is, we are totally at the mercy of the utility company, the electricians, and when it comes right down to it- the owners of this 19th century place, because we rent.  Don't even get me started on the shit-storm of bad luck and poor decision making that led us to this place.  The point is, we are effectively cut off from the means to make our own energy; e.g. keep ourselves warm, feed ourselves, care for ourselves- live our own lives.  This is why I woke up the other night thinking about my high school friend Joe Miller, and the prize-winning project he did for the Denver Natural History Museum in 1987, titled "The Boneless Heifer."  The contest theme was Your Vision of the Future, and you had to illustrate as well as write about it.  Joe, being a phenomenally talented artist as well as a writer, showed the gradual transformation of a normal cow with legs, to something that resembled a big lump of meat and fat, with a hide, and a head.  Voila, the Boneless Heifer, genetically engineered by McDonald's.  Because what are cows but future hamburgers for us to consume? 

This is what I am afraid of people.  Not that it might happen, but that it's already happened.  Are we merely fattened cattle for the Kings of Industry to slaughter at will?  Are we consumers, or are we being consumed?  Are we citizens, or are we just taxpayers, who only vote when our taxes get too high? Are we Boneless Heifers, or Spineless Humans?  Look around.  Decide for yourself.  

So here we are, living life at the pinnacle of civilization, more cut-off from our food and means of energy production than ever before, more disconnected from each other than ever before, enslaved by convenience and credit, more willing to believe the blow-hards on TV over our neighbors and friends.  I think we all know the only way to go is down.  The question or problem is, do we dive right off that cliff and hope the others' bodies might cushion our fall?  Or is there a way to ease back down in a rational, sustainable, non-suicidal manner?  This is the angel I'm wrestling with these days. 

I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence either that the American/ developed world's diet is total crap, that keeps us sick, weak, and fuzzy - headed, so it's also no coincidence that I'm switching back to the Paleo diet, or a more natural human diet, right now and once and for all.  More on that in my running blog -   It may seem small, but taking back control of what we eat is in no way small.  Think about it.  If we're disconnected from what goes into our bodies, and don't even know where it comes from, what it's really made of, what it really does to us, much less how to manufacture it ourselves- then what the hell ARE we connected to, if anything?  For starters, last year I learned how to make my own granola.  Don't laugh.  It's simple, and store-bought granola costs so much I feel like a total ass buying it.  Other things; I've been composting and recycling for years, but not really growing much to feed myself besides tomatoes and herbs.  The only way to really remedy this is to move out of renter-ville and into some sort of house with a yard.

Hence, we're moving in with a friend at the end of January.  She has a big ol' house and kids, and needs to rent out part of it, we need to save money, and practice truly living in community.  It's a win-win.  One that most people would think is insane, certainly at this point in our lives, but to me it sounds like the F*&^ing Taj Majal.  Stress-free-bliss.  Money-saving magic.  Sure, we won't be there for too long, but it's still a severe break from what's considered "normal" economic progress in a family's life. 

My husband and I have talked about this for months, and we both want to get off the hamster wheel of debt and consumption while going nowhere, and live our true values as best we can.  Live deliberately, as someone once said.  Enough with the bullshit.  We worked hard, are pretty good people, and still we've been nothing but screwed by this system that favors drug-addicted trustfunder retards over responsible, conscientious, law-abiding citizens- so fuck it.  We'll still abide by the law (well, most of them) but we're not playing this game anymore, where we're the fattened, helpless cattle and The Man gets to use us as an income stream and ottoman.  Nope.  Nor are we buying into that brainwashing horseflop that this collapse is somehow all OUR fault, that if we were more moral, or more responsible, or more clever, it never would have happened. 

Even my Scottish, Presbyterian-bred husband agrees with me now that it's all bullshit.

So join with me sisthren and brethren in saying FUCK OFF to the dehumanizing system that has conspired to enslave us all.  I'll be posting here semi-regularly on how to do it and stay sane.

STILL Heralding the Collapse of the Patriarchy- since 1970

Published nearly 5 years ago.  And here we are.
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I've been wanting to write more cogently about class warfare, the collapsing patriarchy with all its heavy accoutrements, and now the Occupy Wall Street movement that seems a long time coming to me- and wondering how to do it without sounding like just another blowhard asshole.
Then the other night, my husband had one of his vivid, cogent, "big" dreams - and wrote the main message of it down, as he is wont to do when a dream literally wakes him up.  Plus, he has to get up at 4:30 am anyway, so the thoughts exploding in his head at the time might be a little more profound than if he'd slept in til let's say, 6 am.
The main message was: (and it was as if people were talking to him, and narrating this for him) "We stole the thing you were over-attached to and obsessed about.  We recreated it for your own liberation.  We took it apart and made art."  And then he wrote below that, I LOVE this feeling, I want to LIVE here!   Because if you know, or don't know, but the feeling you have in a dream is almost more important than the dream itself. 
He wasn't scared of it.  He wasn't even suspicious.  He felt loved and liberated, all at the same time. 

That's what I'm talkin' about. 

This thing you, and I, and we are all obsessed with- I want to dismantle it, and rebuild it as tools for our own liberation.  I want to take it apart and make art.
Easier said than done, sure.  But I think I have to try.  Whether it sounds like journalism one minute, or poetry, or a rant, or an interview, or just some quiet observations- I have to try.  More so my own soul doesn't putrefy than any illusions I may have about "enlightening" anybody.  I am going to try- to listen to that still, small voice that never gives up on me.  What is telling me lately, ya know this having your own eco-friendly business is nice and all but um, have you forgotten the gifts you were given?  They weren't all just for you and your own self-aggrandizement.  They were to share. 
Maybe I've said this before.  Oh well.  Nobody's listening anyway, so it bears repeating. 

This movement, of Occupying everywhere, crystallizes so much of what I've been feeling and thinking for oh, most of my life I guess that it is very tempting to just let them do all the talking.  But there are gaps, in their reasoning, rhetoric and genders, for one thing, and I reckon I'm the person to fill them.  For another- why are all the white guys talking?  Shut up already.  We've heard from you.  I don't need to be lectured on how to cross that color bridge of liberalism from a white guy.  Just don't.  Sorry. 
For another, where are all the women?  This movement is primed for women leaders and yet, I don't really see them or hear them.  Maybe that's because the lens of the patriarchy is still warped towards the males, or maybe it's because the women, as usual, are working behind the scenes and not in front of the mics.  I DON'T think it's because they're satisfied to be featured in the many photos of OWS, holding signs and looking cute as in: "Check out all these hot babe protestors.  Doesn't it make you want to come on down and join us?  You know that liberals have infamously loose morals, don't you?  Just camp out with us and you're bound to get laid."
Maybe I'm over-analyzing that, but I don't think so. 
I'm an anthropologist, and think everything should be put in its proper context, and then people should be reminded of that context early and often.   So fuck you if you don't like it.  (smiley face). 

At any rate, I'm going to try, maybe even every day, to "report" or witness or possibly contribute something to this discussion, even if that's only humour.  Some days it might be pompous.  Some days it might be despairing and critical.  And it will always, ALWAYS be sarcastic and full of hyperbole. 
The difference with me is, my opinions are not hard and fast.  I welcome discussion.  I want to START discussions, and maybe finish a few.  You are not allowed to read this without commenting.  Seriously, I don't want to hear this bullshit of "oh, I just didn't have time and I don't want to create a profile just for comments."  THen do it anonymously, assholes, but DO IT.  Participate. 
WAKE UP! 
Have some breakfast. 
Not just sugary cereal, something with protein and vegetables or fruit in it. 
Remember, an army runs on its stomach.
You are going to need good energy to do good things.  The world is changing fundamentally, like it or not, so we can either flail away until we're buried in muck, or we can dance into it.
I choose to dance.